[steve - december 18]

[complexfemalecharacter]

It's probably dumb, but Maeve is actually sort of nervous about the party. The last time she went out and got herself a pretty dress and went somewhere like this with a boy, he'd ended up just getting drunk and ignoring her, leaving her feeling like shit, and then her brother's stupid crap had ended up getting her kicked out of school.

She tries telling herself it's different this time. Steve isn't like Jackson, for one, even if she hasn't figured out what the hell she's doing with him yet. And there's no school to get kicked out of, no Sean to fuck things up for her. No Otis to be an idiot at her, no Ola to make her feel even more like garbage.

It's just a party, she's told herself. One that could be a lot of fun if she let it. So she'd gone to her favourite second hand shop and searched until she found the dress, somehow the perfect fit for her and the right price. She has silver shoes and a little silver shawl to go over it, and she's done her hair up, swept back on one side, curled and cascading over her shoulder on the other.

She's even wearing less makeup. Not no makeup, but the black liner isn't quite so heavy and she's taken off some of her jewelry.

All in all, she feels quite pretty. She also can't stop nervously bouncing her knee as she sits on the couch and waits for Steve to arrive.

Comments

[haplesshairpile]

Steve definitely isn't new to parties. He's not even new to this particular party, since he went last year, but he's still kind of nervous, because this time he has a real date. Just a date, not a girlfriend, because they still haven't tackled that particular conversation.

Still, he asked Maeve to go to the party with him, and she said yes, so that feels like a start.

He even got a suit, because this is a formal party and an important event, he hopes, and he wants to look his best. Plus, he knows that Maeve will look beautiful, no matter what she wears, so he wants to look good next to her.

Steve walks to her apartment building so he can smoke a cigarette and calm himself down, and then pulls up the rideshare app to request a car as he's walking through the lobby of her building, so it'll be ready to go when they are. He blows out a breath on the way up in the elevator, and straightens his tie and his hair as he walks to her door.

By the time he gets to Maeve's door, he's more excited than nervous. He just wants to see her, because he hasn't seen her in two days, and he misses her. The thought makes him smile, and he reaches up to knock on her door.

[complexfemalecharacter]

He looks really, really good.

That's the first thing Maeve thinks when she opens the door and Steve is on the other side in his suit, his hair kind of perfect, like it always is, smelling vaguely of cigarette smoke. She knows a lot of people don't like the smell, but she does, had been smoking out the window of her bedroom herself half an hour before, and she smiles at him, stepping to the side so he can come in. They'll have a few minutes, she knows, before their car gets here, and she still needs to grab a few things.

"Hi," she says, biting her thumbnail as she looks at him, her expression almost shy. Then she wrinkles her nose, squinting a little, and grins. "You look really good."

[haplesshairpile]

Wow.

"Me? Come on, you look amazing," Steve tells her seriously, unable to take his eyes off of her even as he comes into the apartment. He stares at her face, and the sweep of her hair, and the way her dress hugs her curves. He's a bit dazed for a moment, and he leans in to give her a kiss on the cheek.

He was so distracted by how good she looks that he almost forgot what he needs to do before they leave, and the way that she's looking at him makes him less nervous about it.

"There should be a car downstairs soon," Steve tells her, biting his lip as he shoves one hand into the pocket of his slacks, where a key card rests. "But I wanted to tell you about your present first."

[complexfemalecharacter]

"It's not Christmas for another eight days," Maeve points out, although there's an undeniable tremor in her stomach, something like excitement. She's never done this before. Otis had given her a birthday gift, which had gotten him punched, even though she really had liked the gift, but this is different.

Steve is different.

The more time that goes by, the more Maeve realizes they're going to have to work this out eventually. Because she likes him and she doesn't want to screw this up and the longer she goes without making the proper effort to name this, the more she worries she'll fuck it up by refusing to talk about it.

[haplesshairpile]

“Ah, right. But I can’t wait that long. Also, I didn’t know if your birthday rules extended to Christmas,” Steve tells her with a playful smirk, biting his lip as he fingers the card in his pocket.

He could have gotten Maeve something tangible, and maybe he still will, but this seemed like a good compromise for now. His cheeks go a little warm and he clears his throat, stepping closer to her and pulling the key card from his pocket.

“I got us a room up at Kagura for the weekend,” he tells her, holding the key card out for her to take. “Jacuzzi tub, mini bar, the whole works. I thought it’d be nice to get away for a bit.”

He huffs out a laugh, and then shrugs helplessly. “As much as we can, anyway.”

[complexfemalecharacter]

It's a really, really sweet gesture.

Maeve's lips part in surprise and she feels a wave of something she can't quite name. She isn't used to people being nice to her, even after all these months in Darrow, and she certainly isn't used to guys not being dicks most of the time. If anyone is the dick in this situation, though, she knows it's her. It isn't Steve. He's been nothing but really amazing right from the start, which is part of why she doesn't know what the hell she's doing.

"So we're gonna fuck in the big fancy tub, yeah?" she asks before she can stop herself and then she shakes her head, big eyes wide, looking at Steve. "I'm joking, I'm sorry, it's... it's really sweet, Steve. It's amazing."

It makes her feel special. No one has ever made her feel special.

"When?" she asks, pressing her lips between her teeth again, smiling at him, hoping he isn't pissed she made a joke before she said something nice.

[haplesshairpile]

The comment startles a laugh of Steve, and it's a fond sound. He loves how bold Maeve is, and how she doesn't shy away from talking about sex. She doesn't pretend to be coy. She doesn't pretend to be anything, actually, and Steve respects the hell out of that.

"What? Don't be sorry," Steve assures her, smiling warmly as he steps in closer and rests his hands on her arms. "We're definitely going to fuck in the big fancy tub."

He knows that Maeve doesn't think that he's just taking her up there for sex. At least, he's pretty sure she knows that. He hopes that she does.

"This weekend. I thought we could take a car up there after the party," he tells her, sliding his hands up and down her arms. "I wanted to surprise you."

[complexfemalecharacter]

For a moment she feels almost shy, chewing on her thumbnail as she smiles at Steve and then she nods. It's a good surprise, a good gift, and she feels almost like she doesn't deserve it.

But then, with Steve, it feels like she doesn't deserve a lot of these good things. He's a good guy, just like Jackson was, and she worries she's just going to mess it up by being too much herself.

"Yeah," she says, her smile growing. "So should I pack now?"

[haplesshairpile]

"Yeah, just whatever you need for the weekend," Steve tells her, relieved and happy that she seems excited for the idea. He leans in to cup her cheek and give her a kiss, smiling against her mouth before pulling back to look at her. "There's stuff to do up there but we hopefully we won't be leaving the room too much."

He grins and kisses her again before stepping away and heading for her bedroom. "I can help, if you want. My stuff's already up there."

Earlier that day, he went to check in just so they wouldn't have to deal with it later, and dropped his bag on the way. "We can check your bag with the coats at the party, and take a car up there when we're ready to go."

He's actually kind of proud of himself, because it seems like he thought of everything, which is good. He really wants this to be great, because Maeve deserves to be treated great.

[complexfemalecharacter]

"You're really prepared," she says and her tone is almost suspicious. Guys don't generally do things like this, not for her, not for anyone. Jackson had been a good guy and he still wouldn't have been this thoughtful. Maybe Otis would have been, if he'd ever been able to pull his head out of his own ass, but she'll never know now.

Steve is thoughtful. Sometimes Maeve still doesn't know what to do with that. She's never had thoughtful, not even from her own family.

In her bedroom, Maeve finds a bag in her closet and begins to put her things inside. Some clothes, a pair of shoes, even a bathing suit she had bought in the summer, not realizing she would need it for the winter, too.

[haplesshairpile]

Steve notices the slight shift in her tone, and wonders if maybe this is all too much. Maybe she doesn't want stuff like this from him. A weekend getaway isn't actually casual, he supposes.

Before he can start to overthink things too much, he lifts his head and watches as she stuffs things into a bag. She seems excited, and if Maeve really didn't want to go, she would probably just tell him that. It's one of the things that he likes about her.

"I brought the essentials," he tells her in a jokingly serious tone. "For the previously mentioned sex in a tub."

[complexfemalecharacter]

"Oh good, we wouldn't want to find ourselves without condoms in a hotel where they probably leave them propped up with the little shampoo and soap," she teases with a smile thrown over her shoulder at him.

After she's got her clothing packed, she moves to the bathroom, putting makeup and her toothbrush and deodorant in a little toiletries bag that she then shoves into the bigger bag. Once she's done, she returns to Steve and shoves the bag against his chest, then rises onto her toes so she can kiss him over the top of it.

"This is really nice," she says again. "Thank you."

[haplesshairpile]

"Excuse you, I also got champagne," Steve tells her as she zips up her bag. "And some bath bomb thing that I don't understand but came highly recommended by the uppity sales guy."

He grips her bag and leans into the kiss, waiting for her to pull away before shifting the bag to his side, feeling his nerves melt away. This doesn't have to be a big thing. They can just go and have fun together. That's what's most important.

"Are you ready to go?" Steve asks as he follows her into the living room. "I can request a car."

[haplesshairpile]

They're having a good time, Steve thinks. They have a few drinks and share a few dances, but it is still a party, so they inevitably get separated for a bit to mingle with other people. Steve doesn't mind. They both have their own friends, and he's the one she's leaving with, so it's fine.

At least it is for awhile. He ends up kind of tipsy and he just wants to find the girl that he likes, but when he spots her a few yards away, she's huddled in close to some other guy and tossing her head back with a laugh. They aren't even doing anything, not even really touching except for when she reaches out to touch his arm, but there's a definite vibe there. They like each other.

And, well, that sucks. Steve brow furrows and he swallows hard, but he knows that there isn't anything he can do. There's a little bit of jealousy there, but he knows that he doesn't really have the right. They've never talked about what they are to each other, and he thought that was okay, that it would work itself out without them having to actually talk about it. Or that they'd talk about it eventually, and he could keep putting it off.

He isn't sure how long he stands there looking like a kicked puppy, but Maeve eventually turns her head away from the guy and seems to spot him. Steve flinches a bit and shifts awkwardly before turning away to head toward the bar, because he could sure use another drink.

Seems like eventually has caught up with him.

[complexfemalecharacter]

The second Maeve sees Steve, she feels like shit.

The fact that she feels like shit makes her angry, which makes her feel even more like shit, and she knows this isn't how the night was supposed to go. It's not like she's even doing anything but talking -- maybe she was flirting a little -- but she still knows how it looks. And even though she's here with Steve and has no plans on fucking that up, she's suddenly very aware of what she's done with Rowan before tonight.

She hasn't shagged him, but they've made out. Not recently, but enough that she feels guilty and that makes her mad, too. This is why she's so bad at stuff like this and why good guys like Jackson and Steve and Rowan should all just leave her the hell alone. It all just freaks her out because it's inevitable she'll fuck it up and then, if Jackson is anything to go by, one more person who used to be her friend will hate her.

She says goodbye and then, rather than going straight to find Steve, Maeve finds a bathroom and locks herself inside to smoke a cigarette with the window cracked open. Her hands are shaking and she's pissed off about that, too, but by the time she finishes her smoke, she's feeling a bit better. She washes her hands, stares at herself in the mirror for a moment, trying to work out why Steve even wants anything to do with her, then heads back out to find him.

He's by the bar, which makes her nervous. The last time she'd gone on a date anything like this had been to the school dance with Jackson. He'd gotten drunk and been a prick all night.

"Hey," she says, coming up and touching his elbow.

[haplesshairpile]

Maeve doesn't come after him, which... doesn't feel like a great sign. Steve stands at the bar with his beer and tells himself that he has no right to be upset or jealous. Any flare of anger he felt fades almost instantly, and he's just left feeling incredibly bummed.

This is his own fault. He got too deep into it, booking weekend getaways and thinking about Christmas presents, and he mostly just feels like kind of an idiot. They never once talked about being exclusive, or being in any sort of official relationship, and Steve let his mind go there anyway.

By the time Maeve does find him, he's still standing there nursing the same beer, tracing random patterns in the condensation on the glass with his fingertip as it rests on the bar. She touches his arm and he takes a breath like he's steeling himself, and then turns to look at her.

"Hey," he says quietly, because he doesn't know what else to say. He shifts awkwardly and clears his throat as he reaches up to push his hand through his hair. "Do you want another drink?"

[complexfemalecharacter]

She can tell he feels weird. That's her fault, that's something she did and Maeve chews on her thumbnail for a moment, wondering if maybe she should just tell Steve she's going to go home. She's already ruined the night, it seems, and if she just goes home then at least Steve can still enjoy Kagura on his own.

Or take some other girl, someone who won't be quite such a shit for him.

But then she takes a deep breath and shakes her head. "No," she says. "Let's get out of here. We've been here long enough, yeah? I'm looking forward to the hotel."

Somehow she's not sure if that's the right thing either. It makes it sound like she's only in this for the sex, which isn't true and she chews on her thumbnail a little harder, tearing a ragged piece.

[haplesshairpile]

For a long moment, Steve isn't sure what to do. He feels hurt, and he feels stupid for feeling hurt, and also kind of embarrassed. He wonders if this is how he used to make girls feel, and if this is karma coming back to him or something because this sure does suck.

He tries to tell himself that it doesn't matter. Maeve likes him. She came and found him. She wants to leave with him, and that's not nothing. So, maybe she doesn't like just him. This is what he told himself that he wanted, not even that long ago.

"Yeah, we can get out of here." She looks nervous, what with the way she's practically gnawing on her thumb, and Steve reaches up to curl his hand around her wrist and gently ease it away from her mouth. After knocking back the last dregs of his beer, he sets the glass down and straightens the lapels of his jacket before reaching into his pocket to pull out a few singles to put into the tip jar. Her coat check ticket is in the other pocket, and Steve holds it up with his best attempt at a casual smile. "I'm all partied out."

[complexfemalecharacter]

Fuck. She's going to have to say something. It's stupid, they're both adults, they should be able to just use their words, but Maeve's default has been to just shut down and flip people off for such a long time that she's honestly not sure she knows how to have a conversation like this.

In Maeve's experience, things like this end up in fights. She doesn't want to fight. She sort of just wants to go back to how things were before Steve caught her flirting. It's all so bloody stupid and she feels stupid as they retrieve her coat and bag.

"Look," she says as they step out to get their car. "It's just... we never said... and it wasn't anything. Just... talking." She's already fucking this up, she can tell.

[haplesshairpile]

It's awkward, and Steve doesn't know what to do about it. He doesn't know what to say, so he just does his best to pretend that everything is fine as he gets her coat and her overnight bag from the coat check and requests a car. There's one right out front, thanks to the party, so at least they don't have to stand there and wait too long.

"You're right. We never said," Steve tells her in as calm a voice as he can manage, but there's a tiny bit of an edge to it, one that gives away that he's kind of upset. "So, it's okay."

He opens the car door for her and gestures for her to get in, and then hands her the bag before sliding in next to her and confirming the address. This is not at all how he expected this night to go, and he isn't sure how it's meant to continue.

They're almost to the mountain by the time he nearly works up the courage to speak, going so far as to open his mouth, but then it shuts again and he furrows his brow, reaching out to take her hand and thread their fingers together. "But-- uh, we should probably talk, right?"

[complexfemalecharacter]

Right, so he says it like that, in that way that lets Maeve know he's actually bothered by it all and she had known this was going to happen. She's known right from the start that she would find some way to screw this up and make things weird. Worse than fucking up a potential relationship, though, now she's going to lose her friend, just like she did with Jackson and with Otis.

This is why she never wanted a boyfriend. This is what Aimee didn't seem to understand.

They ride in silence for most of the way and Maeve wishes she could smoke, then chews on her thumbnail again as she stares out the window. Beside her, she can sense Steve trying to talk, then deciding against it, and somehow that makes it worse. What she doesn't expect is for him to take her hand and she turns back to look at him, her eyebrows drawn together.

He wants to talk. Not just bail, but talk, and Maeve finds herself nodding before she glances at the driver.

"Once we're checked in, yeah?" she asks. If she's going to get dumped, she'd rather not do it in the car with a witness.

[haplesshairpile]

"We're already checked in. I came up earlier to take care of that and get some stuff ready," he tells her, which makes him feel kind of stupid now, like maybe it was just misplaced eagerness.

The car pulls up to the main entrance of the lodge, and Steve lets go of Maeve's hand to slide out of the car, waiting for her to join him before waving the guy off. The doors slide open automatically to let them into the entry hall, and Steve just feels awkward. He imagined them tipsy and happy by this point, unable to keep their hands off of each other.

As they wait for the elevator, Steve pulls out his wallet to extract the key card, flipping it nervously between his fingers. The trip to the room seems to take forever, silence dragging on and on, and he's both relieved and even more nervous as he lets them into the room. It's a small suite, one where the tub is visible from the bed but in a classy, sexy sort of way, he thinks. Not sleazy.

There's a bottle of champagne chilling in the mini fridge, and some bath stuff he left on the corner of the tub, and he's now glad that he didn't go with something a little more showy. After flipping on the lights, he shrugs out of his blazer to toss it into a wing-backed chair near the window. He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the glass, and the snowy landscape beyond, and then turns to look at Maeve with a helpless shrug.

Merry Christmas, he thinks, but he doesn't say it.

[complexfemalecharacter]

This sucks and it's her fault.

Maeve kicks off her shoes because her feet hurt and she sits down on the edge, then flops down on her back and stares up the ceiling. The room is amazing and she's a shitty person, that's pretty much the only conclusion she can come to and she wants to drag her face down her hands, but that would just fuck up her makeup and she actually cares whether or not Steve still thinks she's pretty.

It's all so goddamn stupid.

"Fuck," she says. "Look, I'm really bad at this stuff."

Somehow that makes it sound worse and she closes her eyes and breathes in deep, trying to figure out what the hell she's trying to say. But she doesn't know. She really has no idea. She likes Steve, that's all she knows for certain, but she's fucking that up pretty royally.

[haplesshairpile]

When Maeve flops back onto the bed, Steve looks around, unsure of what to do with himself. A part of him feels the urge to just say fuck the talking and crawl into bed with her, because they're so good at that part. But he doesn't.

"Yeah, you've said." He doesn't say it in any accusatory sort of way. It's just a fact. She's told him this before, and at the time, Steve said he was fine with it. At the time, he probably was. Or maybe he was just lying to himself, thinking he could be this cool guy who didn't get hung up on feelings. So really, if anyone has changed the terms of what's going on here, it's him.

He pulls the chair up to the foot of the bed and sits in it just so he's not standing over her, and he can't pace around. For a long moment, he just thinks to himself and tries to work up some sort of nerve to actually say what he's feeling. It feels like he would rather sink through the floor.

"I'm not mad," he finally says, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees as he stares at a fixed point on the duvet. "Whatever you've got going on with that guy? I'm not mad. We never said we were exclusive, and I got the impression that maybe you weren't into that? And, I don't know, I guess I tried to tell myself that I wasn't either."

He swallows hard and bites the inside of his lip nervously, brow furrowed a little. "But I am, as it turns out. I was just kidding myself."

[complexfemalecharacter]

"I don't have anything going on with that guy," she answers, rolling onto her side slightly and looking at Steve. "We're not allowed to smoke in here, are we?"

God, she really wants a cigarette, but she knows this place is likely too fancy to allow it, so she flops over onto her back again. For such a long time she was so good at keeping herself apart from others. Her parents both screwed her over, then Sean screwed her over, and Maeve figures if you can't trust your own family, why the hell should you trust anyone else? Guys are even worse. They're horny and they think with their dicks and they don't think before they say something that'll literally ruin someone's entire reputation and she knows it isn't fair for her to paint every guy with the same brush, but it's not like any of them have done anything to change her mind.

Even Jackson, who had been so good, had turned into a dick just because they'd broken up. She knows he was hurt, but he hadn't needed to be such a prick about it. And Otis had been even worse. He was supposed to be her friend and then he'd treated her like the slag everyone claimed she was.

"He's just a friend," she says. "We kissed once, ages ago, but not since then and there's nothing else, it's just... fuck it. Come with me."

She goes to her bag and grabs her combat boots, shoving her feet into them, then pulls her jacket on over her shoulders and goes looking for her cigarettes. When she's got them, she looks at Steve expectantly and nods for him to follow her. "Bring any booze we've got, yeah?"