complexfemalecharacter | [steve

It's probably dumb, but Maeve is actually sort of nervous about the party. The last time she went out and got herself a pretty dress and went somewhere like this with a boy, he'd ended up just getting drunk and ignoring her, leaving her feeling like shit, and then her brother's stupid crap had ended up getting her kicked out of school.

She tries telling herself it's different this time. Steve isn't like Jackson, for one, even if she hasn't figured out what the hell she's doing with him yet. And there's no school to get kicked out of, no Sean to fuck things up for her. No Otis to be an idiot at her, no Ola to make her feel even more like garbage.

It's just a party, she's told herself. One that could be a lot of fun if she let it. So she'd gone to her favourite second hand shop and searched until she found the dress, somehow the perfect fit for her and the right price. She has silver shoes and a little silver shawl to go over it, and she's done her hair up, swept back on one side, curled and cascading over her shoulder on the other.

She's even wearing less makeup. Not no makeup, but the black liner isn't quite so heavy and she's taken off some of her jewelry.

All in all, she feels quite pretty. She also can't stop nervously bouncing her knee as she sits on the couch and waits for Steve to arrive.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"We never had a tub at home," she says as she dumps some of the bubble bath into the rushing water, but not all. Even though, bubbles to the ceiling or not, she still sort of wants to. "The caravan just had this stupid little shower stall with barely enough room to turn around in and the toilet was right there. I did my makeup in this tiny handheld mirror most of the time."

Sometimes she'd do it at school where she had a bit more room, but that had mostly stopped as the bullshit had gotten worse.

"This whole tub is bigger than my bedroom was," she tells him. Technically it had been her mum's bedroom and she'd slept on the sofa, but once Erin had fucked off, Maeve had taken over, refusing to let Sean have the room just because he was older.

"I grew up in a huge house," Steve tells her, but he isn't trying to brag and he hopes she doesn't take it that way. He just wants Maeve to know him. "But it was always empty. I'm pretty sure my parents only had me for like, the optics. That's what they were supposed to do. But I was always alone."

He shrugs, because it always feels strange to talk about his upbringing, like he can't complain because he had a big house and money. At least he had that. Maeve didn't.

"Come on, let's get in," Steve says, kissing the side of her head before standing up and stepping into the giant tub once it's almost full. After turning off the tap, he settles against the back of the tab and pats at the surface of the water between his legs, smiling up at her.

Steve's story makes her think of the essay she wrote and the way Miss Sands had reacted, telling her she could have bigger dreams than just a house with windows and chairs so she could maybe feel a little less alone. It makes her chest feel tight, thinking of Steve in the very scenario she had wanted so badly for herself, knowing it was sad all at the same time.

Maeve steps over the edge of the tub and sinks down into the water between Steve's legs, leaning back against him.

"So," she says. "I had to write this essay when I started in this advanced class back in Moordale. My teacher wanted us to write about the future, what we wanted, and I didn't realize we had to read them out in the class. Everyone wrote these inspiring pieces about changing the world or completing triathlons and the only thing I managed to write was that I wanted a house with big windows, so at least I could look out and see the world, no matter how alone I was."

Maeve settles between Steve's thighs and he wraps his arms around her, overlapping them under her breasts as he relaxes back against the tub. As she tells her story, he listens and reaches up to gently move her hair back, curling it around the back of her neck before resting his hand on her shoulder.

"It's not all that it's cracked up to be," Steve tells her quietly. "I mean, I know I was lucky to have a big house and not have to worry about money. I do know that. I just wish I didn't let that privilege define me as much as I did, but it was all I had for so long."

He squeezes her gently back against his body and leans in to press a kiss to the top of her shoulder before nuzzling behind her ear. "I wish you could have been there with me."

"No, I know," she says. "Because that's the thing, isn't it? You can live in a caravan park or you can live in a mansion, but either way, if you keep people out, you're still alone."

Maeve is an expert at keeping people out. She knows she is and she wants to be better, but it's hard when so many people have disappointed her in her life. Her parents, her brother, even her friends, the few she'd allowed herself to have. Her peers called her cockbiter and slag and no one, not one single person, ever stood up for her.

How is she meant to let anyone in after all that?

But Miss Sands had wanted her to try. And so she is.

[steve - december 18]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject